Have you ever tried to pay for someone’s lunch only to get an almost violent reaction? Do you have people in your life that say things like “I keep giving and giving and I never get anything in return”?
Well you aren’t alone. It seems that as a society we are conditioned to give but not receive since we don’t want to seem “greedy” or “needy”. How does that affect those around us?
Consider this. I remember when I was a boy and I got my first paper route. I was so proud of the money that I had earned and I was so grateful that I went out and bought gifts for everyone in my family. I remember specifically going to Sears and buying a pair of earrings for my mom. I can’t remember what I spent, but on a paper route salary, it couldn’t have been more than 15 dollars. I wrapped it up and handed it proudly to my mom. I don’t even know if she had the little box open yet before she burst in tears. The feeling that came over me was incredible. For years, I’ve tried to recreate that feeling in my mother. I was addicted to “making my mom cry”. Now imagine if my mom had refused to accept the gift because I “shouldn’t have”…
We all have a gift or talent to give. However, if you never use this talent, then does it really have value? If a musician has the ability to move a room with their music but they never play for anyone then what value do they have? Our gifts are meant to be given… However, if there is no one willing to accept this gift then the giver’s potential will never be achieved.
Value is only created through exchange… Through the “give and take”. The key is to balance the two.
My parents have been married for 37 years. I have always remembered one thing they said years back. They said that every day, each of them try to find ways to make each others’ day easier. Imagine that. They consciously look for ways to give to each other. I can just imagine if you are a giver, this might even infuriate you to think that you’ve been outdone! Imagine ending the day realizing that you have to work twice as hard tomorrow because your partner did more for you than you did for them.
However, this is not the reality for most of us. Most of us are in a relationship where one is a giver and the other is the taker. The giver feel under appreciated, but continues to give because they feel a sense of importance. Like they are a “savior” because they feel that their partner would surely fall apart without them. The reality is that they will never achieve their full potential because they are pouring all their value into a black hole.
Maybe the natural reaction to not take is because we don’t feel confident in our ability to give back what we’ve taken and we feel that being in “debt” is uncomfortable. Instead, why not find ways to give back.
It’s time to wake up. The Beatles said, “in the end love you take is equal to the love you make”. If you are a taker… start giving! However, more importantly, if you are a giver, start taking. You are depriving those around you the feeling of importance that giving provides.
