Tapping Into Your True Potential with Alundas Havens

Alundas Havens: [00:00:00] Are you a work at home rockstar or do you dream of becoming one? Then you found the right podcast. Your host, Tim Lanson, talks with successful work at home rock stars to learn their secrets and help you in your journey. Are you ready to rock? Here’s

Tim Melanson: Tim. Hello and welcome to today’s episode of the Work at Home Rockstar podcast.

Excited for today’s episode, and we are talking to the host of Winner’s Paradigm Podcast and also the c e O of Alpha Influence Media. And what he does is he helps men dive into what they’re currently doing in life. And helps ’em stack up their wins to align themselves with their definition of success.

Super excited to be rocking out here with Lunds Havens. Hey, you ready to

Alundas Havens: rock? Yes, sir. Thank you again, brother. It’s a tremendous honor.

Tim Melanson: Awesome. Right on. Well, I’m excited for this interview, uh, with another, another podcaster. Yes, sir. So we always start off here in a good note. So tell me a story of success in your business that we can be inspir.

Alundas Havens: Yes, sir. So for me, brother, [00:01:00] uh, podcasting really allowed me to be able to dive into the personal side of the house and really heal from some trauma, uh, whether that was ge generational or growing up. My parents were strict, but they had their ways, uh, narcissistic alcoholics. So it was something where it was deep and then went into the military, got injured in the military, you know, started.

Repeating some of the things that I’ve seen and really started living in life that, uh, I didn’t agree with, you know, and having projections because, uh, it’s something where I’m pointing things out and in podcasting, you know, doing that inner work and journaling and getting the help I need, getting a breath work coach, like all these things were happening, uh, to where it led me back to that same thing and, and led it led me to help another man and being like, man, you know, the reason why in my podcast is called the Winners Paradigm, uh, is really.

Figuring out the way that we process information and how we can stack those wins, you know, how we can be able to align ourselves to where we want to be. So I talked to men about, uh, doing the shit that I’m not cool with, things that don’t abide by me. That’s [00:02:00] not my core values. Yes, I did something stupid.

I used to be a big drinker, uh, that revolved into the negative thinking and why I made bad decisions versus now where it’s like, man, I’m all dialed in at what I’m doing. I’m trying to be the best dad and the husband I can be. Every podcast is about being present. It’s a different shift when you put that work into yourself.

And that was something that podcasting let me do.

Tim Melanson: Wow. And you know what I mean? You’re definitely serving in a hard market cuz men don’t typically dig into themselves very freely, do they?

Alundas Havens: No brother. And that was something as well that I do, uh, is just speak to that point where I’m talking about the frustrations, our relationships.

Maybe we did something in our relationship that is tough, you know, and now we’re talking about divorce or whatever it is. So I share those things as well where I’m like, man, I’ve been there. I’ve done the stupid shit. Like, I know where you’re at. I know where you’re like, Oh, you can, you tell your mentor, Hey, you can F off because you don’t know what you’re talking about.

But they do know what they’re talking about. You know, maybe we are drinking more. Maybe we look in the mirror. We don’t measure up. Like I’ve been through that. I’ve been [00:03:00] through all those things. I have friends that died, gave me a negative perception on life, and then realized like, man, my people died young.

You know what I mean? So they didn’t get the chance to have kids to do this, to do whatever. Now we’re doing it, you know? So it was something for me where it’s like I just target that man and talk about how vulnerable it is, uh, how it was when I was going through those two things. And then they’re able to see like, man, you know, he gets it.

He went through it. Uh, same thing when I interviewed people, you know, talk about the dumb things they did back then if they got into trouble, you know, what led them to success? Cause I feel like that’s something, you know, we hear, you hear the cliches, it’s so easy. Man, you don’t know until you heard somebody from your walk of life or went through very similar things to you.

Uh, then you’re gonna realize like, oh, you know, I can do it. Maybe it’s just the mindset, or maybe I’ve been wrapped up in this thing for years or grew up a certain way and I’m still acting that way. Like, it’s all right. You know what I mean? You can always change. Yeah, you can always

Tim Melanson: change. Uh, and, uh, yeah, especially if you look in inward and you know, I, I, I like the, your approach because really when it comes down to it, people wanna know that you.

[00:04:00] First of all, if, if you’re gonna model somebody, you’re gonna wanna make sure that they’re in a place where you want to be. And you know, if you can get to a place where they want to be having done all the things that they’re doing wrong, well then they know that they can get to that place as well. Right.

Alundas Havens: One. 100%. And, and I think that starts with us just looking ourselves in the mirror and realizing what we are, you know? Uh, it’s tough. There’s some tough things and uh, again, it goes to me like there’s some things I’m not proud of that I did, and I like to talk about those things. You know what I mean?

Like to talk about, oh yeah, I was a big drinker and I did this dumb thing. And you know what, like. That’s not who I am. That’s not what resonates with me. You know what? Maybe I, I repeated some generational trauma and acted stupid. You know, I used to drink a lot and, and that was my personality. And then shifted out of that and it was something where it was complete game changer because I’m talking about Yeah, man, like craziest man walking through the room and then all of a sudden I’m like, Hey brother, how’s your family?

One of the core values like, man, what have you been doing, man, I’m just trying to be present with the family lately. And they’re like, what’s [00:05:00] going on with this guy? And really thinking to myself, What’s going on? What are the gaps? But yes, you can make that transition. You can still heal, become the best version, but like along that way, there’s gonna be some shit that pops up.

And I think that’s where we need to be able to talk to people is being able to say that. Like, I got cocky once with one of my friends. Man, I don’t feel like I can drink anymore. I don’t get anxiety. I’m good man. Let me tell you, I was home for the weekend that time because my wife, uh, her and the baby wanna go see family and.

I was home by myself and like, I have alcohol. At that time I had alcohol in my house. Just as a reminder, people come over and, uh, bro, that was so hard. I had to dump everything out because I was like, I just wanted to drink. So I called up my buddy, uh, that’s a substance abuse counselor, and I was like, Hey man, I know we were just talking and I got cocky, but uh, life hit and now I really wanted to drink, you know?

So it was being able to get that person to help me because it was something that I was battling. To where if we’re able to show that vulnerable side, we’re showing people that we’re people, we’ve been there, done that, they’ve been there, uh, I think that’s where that impact happens, brother.

Tim Melanson: Wow. Yeah, and I [00:06:00] mean, that kind of does talk a lot into the next topic, which is the bad note, right?

Uh, because it’s, for you, it sounds like they’re very intertwined together. You know, your good and bad notes are constantly going, going right.

Alundas Havens: Absolutely. And I think that’s something where, uh, it’s a self-actualization in coming to grasp with it, but it’s also hearing that constructive criticism. Uh, maybe your spouse says something from you.

You know, for me, I, I realized that characteristics, uh, that I said I hated, you know, what I didn’t like, and then I start repeating it. Um, I would, I would say, for instance, I’m not gonna be, you know, surface level. But, um, I would say like, I hate when people be slick or say whatever, and then I realize like, that’s me.

Or when I’m drinking, that’s where the shit just rolls out and I just don’t care and I’m just, oh, you know, uh, doing my own thing. Or maybe I got wrapped up into my own, uh, head to where, um, I’m really cautious about my surroundings cuz I’ve been around, you know, tough neighborhoods or, um, tough people and, and got into it when I didn’t need to be, you know, so it’s one thing where heads on a swivel, I’m [00:07:00] always looking versus just being.

Hey man, like things aren’t bad. You don’t need to be in fight or fly one. You don’t need to be trying to survive all the time. Or if my wife’s yelling at me, I don’t have to realize that. Uh, I think she’s yelling when in reality she’s raising her voice cuz she’s at the other side of the house and we have a big house.

Uh, so it was something for me where it was like all these different things could trigger, you could lead to that. I’m really react or excuse me, I was really reactive. It’s to a point now where I’m starting to process information, slow it down. But why am I reactive? My parents living in that house was difficult.

Uh, also had a racist stepdad in the mix, so had to be very careful at what I said or how I dressed because, uh, he was always gonna say something about it and he wants to go on his tangent and say something, well, then I wanna pop up and be like, Hey man, I don’t agree with what you say, you know? So for me, being that reactive, uh, kept me alive during that time.

But then in my marriage, it ruined it because again, I’m fighting with my wife all the time for nothing, you know, just because I want to be right. And it’s. Bro, do you get the bigger picture? Like, is that really what you wanna do is just waste, uh, time [00:08:00] on your guys’ hands, being upset, angry, versus like actually being able to communicate or maybe cooling down?

So for me, it’s been that process bro, though, putting that work in and sharing that with people, uh, which allows me to get better. Cause I’m listening to myself, I’m hearing it, I’m doing it. Uh, you definitely get closer to where you want to be, even though it may be a long journey that you’re still having.

Tim Melanson: Uh, I’ve, you know, I’ve experienced a lot of the same things as you have. I’ve definitely made many crazy, crazy mistakes as well. Um, but when it comes to triggers, triggers is a topic that I think we need to be talking a lot more about, especially in men cuz we tend to get triggered. Uh, I don’t know if it’s more easily, uh, or, or not, but, but, uh, but I do know that the triggers that tend to come up, like when you are triggered by something, there’s definitely something inside you.

And one of the realizations that I made is I, I thought about how you can have two people and, uh, you, you have somebody that says something the [00:09:00] same thing to both people. One person freaks out, gets super mad, and the other person just shg shrug. Why, why is that? It’s the same you, you said the person said the same thing.

So there’s gotta be something with, with us if we’re getting triggered. Because if the guy next to me is not getting triggered, it’s me not the person who said it to me. Right.

Alundas Havens: A hundred percent brother. And, and I went through that. Uh, cause again, I’m real reactive. So sometimes, and, and it goes into, you know, when I was younger as well as, you know, the respects side of the house when around people is, it’s like, to me those are fighting words.

So, uh, I just want to fight. You know, I was at a, actually, I was talking to my wife about this one time, but we went to, uh, she’s in the Navy, so they had, um, some of her friends had a little party one day and um, yeah, here goes my. I got cross faded that day. So, uh, I, I already started dabbling into cannabis when I got out the military because I started working on, uh, P T S D and really processing my emotions, journaling, crying it out.

So one day I’m over here, like [00:10:00] going through my emotions and then I’m like, Oh yeah. You know, so journaling, doing it, da da da. Do you wanna go to this party? We go. So I start drinking. So I’m over here, not in the right mind. And we see this dude and she didn’t introduce me to him, but he kept smiling at her, looking back at me in that.

And in my head, I’m like, knock this dude out. You could do it. Blah, blah, blah, you know, and that’s the liquor speaking, that’s me not being in the right mind. Uh, so I was angry. I looked out of it in pictures and stuff. So it was, it was something where we both realized like, okay, you know, that’s probably not something we should be doing.

And I started working on that, but it was really having the control and realizing like, Hey, why do I feel this emotion? Whoa. Something arose to me. I felt like he heavily disrespected me. Then I gave myself some grace. I said, Hey, I’m glad you didn’t punch that dude in the face and you went to jail, or whatever it is.

Cuz uh, that was something I just didn’t sense that she picked it up as well, that he did something. She was proud of me cuz she was like, Hey, you didn’t start anything. But it was the little things on that. Or for instance, like, I worked with a guy that was big in the podcast industry. Uh, lovely man to death.

He’s [00:11:00] a great human being. Um, but I don’t align with him from a marketing perspective just because he says controversial things. And sometimes I’m like, man, and I get emotionally charged by what he says or opposed, or whatever it is, right? Why? Because that’s a projection for me. I’ve been there as a man, I’ve done that.

I’ve said these things. I’ve been aggressive. When we don’t need a beat, uh, what does that lead us to do? You know? And that’s a lot of what people do is we project on it or talk about what we don’t like because we’ve done it ourselves. So, uh, that’s again, you know, I go back to that point and I have to be able to talk about things with people and be like, Hey, I’ve messed up too.

So I forgave you. I understand you. Because people think that we just put ’em on this floor. You know, we, we say, you gotta be perfect. You gotta do these things. Like, man, I’ve been there, I’ve done that. You know what I mean? I’ve done the dumb decisions that my wife should have left me. So now if you wanna talk about it, I’ll talk about it all day and be like, Hey man, this is where I failed and this is how I’m able to do better.

You know, this is why I’m serious about what I do, why I read every day, uh, why I try to get a workout in, you know, I think about being positive, keeping good people around me. It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just I need that good. [00:12:00] Because anybody that’s negative or brings those things to you, it’s just only gonna weigh you down and you’re not gonna be able to be the best you can be.

So that’s why I really talk to men in in Gem on that brother. Yeah.

Tim Melanson: Right on. Yeah. Well, and you can’t change anything that you’re not aware of, and as soon as you become aware of it, you start talking about it, then it becomes something that you can actually work on. If you just keep on bottling it up, it’s not gonna get any better.

Right.

Alundas Havens: One, 100%. And uh, again, that’s tough cuz there’s some things with us that either happen, you know, in our childhood that are ex uh, extreme. Uh, and then there’s some things that maybe we just don’t talk about. Cause as a man, you gotta be tough, you know? So for me, my dad was tough as nails, uh, abusive, you know, narcissistic again.

So some of the shit that I said that I see from him and view him, um, don’t resonate with me. Why? Because a lot of characteristics are the same. You know, the authoritative, uh, not being able to have conversations. So that’s why I get upset with people when they’re like one way or just stubborn versus being like accepted and be like, you know what I understand, like I’m really grateful I had that so I can be the best dad I can [00:13:00] be and not model some of these actions that I did or now I’m not doing anymore.

Uh, so that way it was allowing me to be able to get better, you know, because I didn’t realize it until. Putting things together, hearing it from multiple people. Hey man, like are you good? Like, why are you getting upset? Why are you doing this? You know, or why are you trying to scream? So I actually had a podcast episode recently where me and the guests are like getting angry and we’re going into the Dave Goggins type voice and we’re like talking on it.

And it was cool because it was that episode. But that’s no longer me every single episode. Uh, so it was pretty cool. Just like you can amplify and show people the level and the importance and use your voice, uh, in a great way versus, you know, always talking to them and getting them to think of something where that’s not the picture.

Tim Melanson: Yeah. Well, I like to talk about practice as well, and it sounds to me like you’ve got some pretty good. Rituals, I guess, uh, you know, you like to get to the gym and all that stuff, but, you know, can you elaborate on that a little bit more? Like what’s your, you know, view about getting better?

Alundas Havens: So this is all [00:14:00] relative to what’s important to you.

Um, and definitely it, it happened to me recently to where I had to go back to the drawing board and figure out what was, uh, something that’s important to me. You know, I’ve believe in God, but I’ve really been a man of faith. Uh, I’ve fallen into the category of. Picking out, you know, what other people were saying, and I’m a Christian and this, and bringing in politics.

I don’t believe that at all. You know what I mean? So if you wanna talk about politics and bringing, you know, religion, I’m not gonna agree with you because I don’t agree it that way. I agree. Everybody should believe in whatever they want to, because again, uh, one of the projections, a lot of people do, We talk about, Hey, it should be this way, you should do this.

And then get mad at other people for doing what they want to do when we wanna do our own thing. Uh, so something for me where it was just like, I pray to God, man, and I was just like, God, I need a sign. You know? So, uh, one of my boys was praying the next day calls me, Hey man, do you need anything? Work? I, I didn’t know, uh, me and him never talked on that level.

We talked about business and so forth, and that’s where we’re like good friends. We interviewed podcasts, but um, It was cool, you know, being able to do that. So religion, uh, is one thing where I’ve always done it, you know, I’ve always [00:15:00] been, uh, meditating throughout this journey now. So I meditate a lot now, getting into prayer, reading the Bible slowly.

Uh, but really just focusing on my connection. It’s not about anybody else, you know, and that’s where it’s been different is really taking that for me on the, uh, spiritual side where it’s meditating like. Take that time every single day to just wake up, be grateful for what happened. Like, I’m grateful I have a house, you know, I never thought I was gonna be able to have a house young, a family.

Uh, we have another baby on the way. So just really being grateful to be alive every day. Cause like I said, I had, uh, five good friends, my grandfather that died, and it changed me forever, you know, because I’m like, I can’t live my life without these people, or, uh, three of ’em I was really close with. So it was, it was tough for me where it was battling those demons, you know, thinking about that.

So also another portion, uh, I tore all the cartilage to my right knee while I was in the Marine Corps. Have bad knees, ankle, or ankle, all my joints basically. Aching every day feeling bad. So figuring out what practices work for me. Uh, my podcast is actually sponsored from a CB company because one of my buddies that I interviewed, um, [00:16:00] started helping me out.

So it’s taken C, b, D and helping my joints so I can be able to get a workout that day. So whether it’s walking, it’s doing whatever, it allows me to be able to get moving because I know when I don’t get moving and I’m not doing things, especially being home. Uh, I also take care of my daughter during the day while I run the business.

And work on everything. Extremely frustrating sometimes, and I wanna start eating and I wanna do all these things. So you gotta have that outlet. And then that starts with the community aspect as well. It’s like, what are you doing? Um, I know people are mastermind stuff like that. I’ve been in them, A lot of ’em are cool.

Some of ’em don’t resonate with me, but I’m in one, uh, called the Dad Edge and it’s all about being a better dad and focusing on that. So it’s awesome with the community perspective to where I was having a tough time. I go to this community, I’m like, Hey, try my eyes out. This is what happened to me.

They’re like, Hey, this is what you’re gonna do. This is how you’re gonna become a better man. I’ve been there, done that. So the community aspect’s been amazing because I’m able to get that and learn about things, whether it’s, you know, um, from experience or learning from somebody else. But you really have to dial in that portion when you’re taking care of yourself, using the tools, [00:17:00] be around the people you want to be around.

And even if you’re in a mastermind or you’re having a coach and they don’t align with you anymore, that’s okay. You know, you can be able to move on and say, Hey, you know, at this point in time, uh, I feel like. Where I want to be and what aligns with my core values is different than what I’m currently doing right now, and it’s okay to do as well.

Hey,

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Go to crave crew agency.com and we’ll see you. Absolutely. For sure. You know what I’ve noticed is that, uh, there’s a lot of people in the business community, self-employed entrepreneurs that have been on the show, and ah, man, a lot of them mention meditation. I, I wonder, but, but I don’t see that as much in the general public.

The general [00:19:00] public sort of thinks that’s woowoo or whatever. I’m wondering why do you, do you have a theory on why you think. Entrepreneurs are more driven, or, or sorry, more, uh, directed towards meditation.

Alundas Havens: I, I find that funny when people think it’s woowoo. Uh, I think it’s just about who the person is and where they’re at on their journey.

Uh, because if they’ve done any self-development work or maybe they’re religious, well if they pray, that’s a form of meditation. Uh, so a lot of people don’t know that, you know? You could be hitting it off and not even doing that. But I think what it is is with a lot of entrepreneurs and that we’re constantly putting work into ourselves and we’re figuring out that the meditation style comes, uh, we hear about it, but it intrigues us cuz we’re like, man, I get to have 10 minutes where I can just think, uh, cause I know a lot of things are running through my head.

I need to do this, I need to do this. I need close this to you. All these crazy things sometimes that like, we don’t even take time to decompress for ourselves. And that’s where, you know, when we’re listening to. All this education and really figuring out like, [00:20:00] hey, how do we be able to do this? That’s where that meditation comes in, where it’s been helping.

So I did that and then the breath work, uh, one of my good buddies is a breath work coach, so he helps me one-on-one and he is like, Hey, this is what you can do, because I was talking about having anxiety, you know, depression. Um, I don’t know what to do sometimes. Like, sometimes I just start hyperventilating and there goes an uh, anxiety attack.

So, uh, all that stuff helps you as wells and, well, that’s common within the entrepreneurship, you know, uh, business owners is we take on too much than we can handle and then when we don’t, that’s where we start doing dumb things. Why? Cuz I’ve done that, been there. You know what I mean? So that’s where, uh, I think that it’s different.

It’s like people, if you realize where you’re at on that spectrum, You’re gonna be more susceptive to meditation, whatever it is, versus uh, if you’re not, then you’re not gonna really know about it. And that, cuz at that one point, uh, I started a podcast, now I have 80 episode or. About, it’ll be 80 episodes in reality.

I’ve done like 95 cause I have two segments of my podcast. Um, but before starting a podcast, I was like, I’ll never start a podcast. That’s dumb. Why do I want [00:21:00] to talk? You know what I mean? I’m not Joe Rogan. And then even when I started the podcast, people said the same thing. Why do you wanna start a podcast?

Everybody has a podcast. Versus, you know, getting a year into it. And now people are like, Hey man, I’d love to come on your show. Oh, you know, uh, I’m like, Hey, I’m booked out till June. Oh, you got promotions, I’ll pay to come on your show. You know, blah, blah, blah. Like, let’s do this. I really wanna work with you.

And it’s game changing to where you. Man, I just really went from not wanting this at all to getting there, doing it and realizing like, man, that’s what I love. Like I get, I, I used to think that, uh, I’m introverted. I can’t connect with people versus like, jamming with you brother and I get to talk to you about these things.

Open up about it, you get happy, you’re opening up to me, and then we become friends. So it’s something where it’s like podcasting gives us that outlet to share with people. Traditionally, we don’t have these conversations.

Tim Melanson: No, no, you’re right, you’re right. And I think, I think a lot of the reasons why people are scared of meditation is cuz I think a lot of people are scared of their own thoughts.

They’re scared to sit down and, and, and think, and I, I kind of get it because when you do start to look inside, then you do [00:22:00] start to. Get triggered by a lot of these things that happened, right? And, and all of a sudden, you know, those are the things that you’re trying to push away and now you have to think about them.

But I think a lot of it is because in self-employment and business, we’re leading, we’re, we’re leaders, we’re we’re, we have to have faith in ourselves. To be able to do whatever it is we need to do. Whereas as an employee, uh, you don’t really, you, someone tells you what to do, you do it, you go home, you watch tv, uh, but you can’t really lead yourself and have faith in yourself if you don’t take the time to explore yourself.

Can you?

Alundas Havens: No, uh, a hundred percent agree with you there again, brother, because, um, you have to figure out for you what’s important. I actually posted something about this today. Uh, it, it went of, you know, I went to my friend and I asked for advice and he was like, everything that you want to seek is within you.

And I was like, what are you talking about? You know? So we started talking about it. Hey, what are you gonna do? I told him, he said, [00:23:00] And I was like, what are you talking about? That’s not good. And he is, I was like, I’m asking for advice. He’s like, you have the plan. You know exactly what to do. Uh, that’s us as people, man.

Like, we’re flawed. We have so many things, man. It’s frightening. Uh, I barely a year ago was able to sit in my room and, uh, control, not control my thoughts. I never wanna say control because, um, I don’t believe you can have absolute control on your thoughts. I believe you could be positive in that, but don’t get me wrong, like, sometimes some shit will creep in your head or maybe you get triggered in that, you know, so to say that we can control everything.

Yeah, that’s, that’s being a little much cuz. There is times where like I’m thinking and then something hits me or I see something and it hits me, and that’s okay. You can process that information and that was something for me and that’s where I said to cannabis. Uh, I started journaling and I started really touching the emotional side and crying it out and really talking about the things I didn’t want to, and I was able to use plant-based medicine and really help me to where it’s meditation, it’s crying, I’m journaling, I’m processing the emotion.

I’m thinking about, Hey, what is this feeling? Why do I feel like I wanna prove people [00:24:00] wrong all the time? Well, maybe it’s because of my self worth. Maybe I felt like as a kid, you know, I was never good enough. My dad was the expert, one good at sports and then here goes me, the nerdy one, not, Hey, what am I good at?

Well, people like me. Why? Cause I smile a lot, you know? Um, I compliment them, you know, I just really take an interest in what they’re learning and, and say, oh man, that’s cool. You know, if it resonates with me or asks questions if it’s not. So, it’s something where it’s, I had to be able to realize that for myself.

And the more that I worked on that, I trained at it, I told people versus like staying away from it even recently, uh, where like the life events were happening and I’m like, man, religion, ah, that’s not my thing. And then I just thought to myself like, how am I gonna be any better if I can’t even try to do something that I haven’t done before?

And maybe that’s it, you know, I prayed and said, Hey, God, if you’re real, let me. That, not to get too religious on anything, but I was just saying to myself like, why question it? Just do it. You know, somebody asks you talk to him, Hey man, I really need help. I’m like, my buddy reached out to me. Hey man, I need help.

And it was something where he’s like, you’ve never talked to me about that, but I’m really glad you were able to do that. And, and it’s [00:25:00] those type actions, you know, doing the things that we traditionally wouldn’t do, uh, waking up earlier. Like you have to be able to force yourself outta. Uncomfortable environment and getting uncomfortable, uh, feeling that, you know, it is terrifying thinking about those things.

You know, being in the room, crying out your emotions and you’ve never cried before. So it’s something for me where it’s like, I’ll touch up on that and I’ll talk to you as a man and be like, Hey, bro, I fucking cried about this. Why? Because my friend’s died. I didn’t process their death till two, three years later.

And then I’m fucking in deep depression, drinking even more. Where it’s like back then, I could have just went through it and I could have just went to the funeral and I could have done all these necessary steps to help me grieve. But I didn’t do that because I’m the tough guy. And that’s not what tough guys do.

Tim Melanson: Well, that’s just it. Like I think that with the, the gender roles that we’ve been given, you know, you’ve got, uh, you know, women are, it’s okay for women to cry. It’s not okay for men to cry. It’s a, but on the other hand, it’s okay for men to be. But it’s not okay for women to get angry. So it is interesting how there’s, they’re all emotions and we [00:26:00] need to process them all.

If you. You know, suppress any of those emotions, you’re gonna, bad things are gonna happen to you eventually. Um, but like we’ve sort of gotten, you know, this, you know, we, we, we sometimes just need to give ourselves permission. Or maybe sometimes that’s where you’re, you’re hiring a coach because a coach oftentimes, like you say, you already have the plan within you.

You just need permission to, to follow your own plan. Right.

Alundas Havens: Exactly. Brother and I. That’s what it is. Uh, whether you get that inspiration from you looking yourself in the mirror, having those tough conversations. Like once you allow yourself to say, Hey, I’m okay to feel this, I’m okay to be able to process this.

Uh, like I said, like with my wife, we fought about dumb shit and it’s not even fucking worth anything. I broke my wedding ring being pissed off, and that’s something I have to live with. So it, it’s something for me where it was like, why do I feel this? Why do I get so angry? Why am I letting other people have power over me?

And I [00:27:00] think when we give ourselves permission to be able to say, it’s okay to feel this way, it’s okay for me to do this. This is a process on the journey. It’s a complete game changer for us.

Tim Melanson: Yeah. So do you have any instruments that you use, any tools that you use to, uh, get success in your business and your life?

So

Alundas Havens: first thing is I just build, uh, genuine relationships with people. So if that’s on social media, comment on their stuff, really getting to know them as, uh, people, if I feel like they align with me, again, that’s not gonna be everybody. You are gonna have some doozies where you think they’re great people or whatever things happen, you know, just be the best you can be.

Uh, then it’s really the breath work side. I really focus on my breathing. Um, focus on being able to process whatever I’m going.

Tim Melanson: So what about, uh, learning from the best? I know we’ve talked about masterminds and we’ve talked about coaches and all that stuff before. Well, uh, like, uh, what about you? Like, what has been your, have you, actually, first of all, did you feel any resistance towards getting a coach at first?

Alundas Havens: Ooh, [00:28:00] so I’m gonna give everyone, uh, some, some game changing advice students. So I just took their promotional offer. So I used to work with Zach Babcock, and when I used to work with him, he dropped a promotional officer 49 bucks a month for podcast coaching. This is before I started the podcast. Uh, so I jumped in there, really just started to learn from him.

I went through his podcasting course, uh, really started to put the work in, he talks about, about talking up social media. So I’m opening up about things in my past, you know, really talking about the traumatic events and building on that. Uh, it led to me working for him, so I was able to. Be a moderator for one of the groups he was in, uh, getting people to join his groups and then eventually started a business partnership with him.

So that was my favorite podcast. I gotta go on it, I gotta be able to talk with him. It was awesome being able to do that. And then at the same time, being able to realize, um, you know, building some friends to where those are my coaches now. Uh, so it was awesome, you know, being able to work with him, [00:29:00] jump into this, build a relationship, but at the same time, realizing.

You’re gonna have different coaches for different areas of their life, different people you go to, and you may get to a point where what you seek in a coach or the person that you’re becoming is different than what you’re doing right now. So for me it was really that, you know, even listening to other podcasts and that, hey, someone I love, but they don’t align to you who I am right now, what I’m doing.

So I’m gonna. Table that, you know, maybe listen later when they’re talking about different things, but I’m gonna move on and find things that are gonna help me out for that. So I think with our coaches, uh, some people think it’s one size fits all. Cause I’ve heard that sometimes and I’m like, yeah man, like you may have a finance coach.

You may have that and may get expensive. You may have a couple. You know, for me, I have a breath work coach and I still go to counseling and it’s because those help me with two different things in my life. You know, I have one. Gives me what works for me. Then I have another one where I talk things out and I get the professional help.

It’s not that, you know, both do different jobs. Both of them have a specific function that helps me in that area. Uh, another coach of mine, she’s one of my good friends and she helps me really [00:30:00] map out the operational side of my business. And it was something where I had to restart my business for the second time.

I’m terrified. She’s like, Hey, let’s do. You’re gonna read this book, you’re gonna do this, we’re gonna be on the website. This is what we’re doing. My team’s gonna help you for free. And it was awesome, you know, being able to do that to where she can normally charge me like $10,000 to build the website, get that.

And it was something where it was like, Hey, this is what you need to do. I realized, all right, I’m just gonna hire somebody. It’s not what I’m good at. So taking that focus away from me and putting my energy into something else that I’m good at, uh, the coaches are just gonna realize what’s the best way for you on what to do.

Um, masterminds, same exact thing. Sometimes they work for you. Uh, I love Masterminds for the reason of just networking, getting to know people. So I’ve been fortunate in that, of tapping into one mastermind. Uh, and then another one just befriending a lot of the people. It’s a close-knit circle. So they work for some people and then there’s times where you’re in masterminds and you’re like, you know what?

This is a line to me what I’m doing. I’m gonna move on to the next thing. [00:31:00] And I think that’s the most important part, is figuring out, Hey, what’s for you? What community do you wanna be in? Uh, I’ve left Masterminds, I’m in the dad, I’m masterminds for dads, like I said. And it just allows me to be able to get better at whatever I’m seeking at this time.

This is the area I’m focusing on. So it may not be something that you wanna stand there, you know, for two years where. That first year, you could get everything you need from there. Now you’re onto the next chapter in your

Tim Melanson: life. Yeah. Uh, I love that. I love that advice. And you’ve mentioned the word alignment so many times.

It’s, I, I can’t agree more because I think that that’s, uh, I think we’ve been, uh, a lot of us sort of have this, uh, I guess programming to be loyal to something far beyond where it’s useful for you anymore. Right. And, uh, I think that the, the, the key there, like you say, is just to be choosing things that are alignment with you and being okay when they’re not in alignment with you anymore.

Because we’re growing, we’re growing, we’re changing, they’re growing, they’re changing. So it’s possible that the paths could diverge a little bit and, you know, just give yourself [00:32:00] permission to just, you know, drop out of that program and go find one that that does work for you.

Alundas Havens: Exactly, brother. And that goes both ways.

Like I’ve been in one where I was just like, you know what? This is cool, but right now I don’t have the funds to keep this up anymore. Moved out of it. I was another one that loved to death because it was one thing changed to another, which was incredible. And then went back to the original and I was like, you know what?

I didn’t sign up to come back to the original. Um mm-hmm. I’m gonna move on. You know? And it wasn’t something that, like, I was against it. It’s just like, nah man, I went through that process. I’m trying to work on the next thing I’m trying to work on. You know, before year one of my podcasts was talking about me, what shaped me, molded me talking about dumb things.

I went through year two’s on teaching, man. Like I’m about giving all men, uh, knowledge to be able to help them out where they’re at. Why? Because I’ve been going through the same thing. So I’m just talking to my younger version of myself and it’s really figuring out that, you know, aligning that portion to where you’re at, where you’re trying to.

What you’re trying to accomplish, uh, is gonna change.

Tim Melanson: Love it. So let’s talk about that. Let’s get into your guest solo. So tell me what’s exciting in [00:33:00] your business. Yeah,

Alundas Havens: so what’s exciting, my business is really, uh, getting captivating content for podcasters. So I chop up their podcast episodes and I give them, uh, YouTube shorts, Instagram reels, Facebooks, uh, tos, and really just bringing out the best of their content.

And that was something for me that I didn’t do. I was doing the audiograms. Uh, I heard someone say it to my face, Hey, when I see that, I scroll and just keep going. So I was like, you know what? I’m gonna try this video thing out and start building it myself. Uh, and that’s where, you know, it slowly started to go, you know, you can put your post in there of what it is, but when you give somebody a visual and they’re able to see the word you’re saying and breaking it down, it changes that.

And for me it was, you know, thinking about maximizing influences, what we used to say and really going into that, but it was breaking it down to. Man, I’m just trying to help that person that needs to be able to spread their word for whatever it is. Uh, cuz why I went through the same thing. Uh, my podcast is the Winner’s Paradigm.

We talk about recalibrating your mindset so you can align yourself with your definition of success. [00:34:00] Now, one of those portions I’m going into right now is jumping into the level of. Talking about how we process our emotions, what’s holding us back, you know, why we prevented ourselves from, uh, being successful and how we’re gonna get there.

Why? Because I’ve been there. I transitioned out the military thinking how to figure it out. Worked multiple jobs, started the business, didn’t work out, started my business again. I’ve been there, done that. So I talk about those things with people and, and really get them to see that end was, Hey, you can do this.

And just for my podcast allowed me for people to be like, Hey, you know, seeing my work, Hey man, uh, what is this? You know, how much do you charge? And it. It’s different when they ask you versus you pouring all this out. And for me it was like the business aspect. I was going crazy because I’m trying to figure everything out.

I’m trying to do this, I’m paying for ads. It’s like, bro, you don’t need to do that sometimes. Sometimes you just build genuine relationships and if it fits of someone, you can be able to help. That’s it. Beautiful. Love it.

Tim Melanson: So how do we find out more

Alundas Havens: then? Ye yeah, brother. So easiest way, uh, social media Alandus underscore havens.

The [00:35:00] podcast is called The Winners Paradigm. The winners paradigm.com. Easiest way to find me

Tim Melanson: awesome. The winners paradigm.com. I love it. So thank you so much for rocking out with me today, lend. This has been a lot of fun. Thank you, brother. It’s a tremendous honor. Awesome. And to the listeners, make sure you subscribe right and comment, and we’ll see you next time in the Work at Home Rockstar podcast.

Alundas Havens: Thanks for listening. To learn how you can become a work at home rockstar or become a better one, head on over to work@homerockstar.com today.